I did it. I returned to the theater. For the first time since the pandemic began, I bought a ticket and sat in a dark room with a bunch of other people and watched a movie. I listened to the crinkling popcorn bags and the disgusting mouth noises of strangers as they seemed to almost deliberately make my experience worse. As they open mouth coughed on my neck and made dumb comments, I watched the movie. Except for the scene right after the first act, because I had to take a piss and, unlike at home, I couldn’t pause the film. I normally don’t have to use the restroom that soon after a film has begun, but there were at least 15 minutes of commercials before the previews even began. As someone who uses an adblocker on the internet and doesn’t watch TV, except for Jeopardy, of course, I had almost forgotten what it was like to see that many commercials. “Is this how the normies live?” I asked myself. Loudly stuffing their faces and saying “That looks good” after seeing an ad for Mountain Dew. Perhaps these last two years has made me averse to being in the same room as strangers and who can blame me? But I did it. I bought a ticket because a film came to theaters that I finally thought might be worth seeing on the big screen. I mean, Dune would have been cool, but I already had HBOMax and that was the height of the Omarion variant. So, this was the first one I really had to see and felt safe seeing. And what was the movie that I chose for my triumphant return? Well, it was Robert Eggers’ new feature film entitled The Northman and I will talk about it today on Movie Tuesday.
Here is a video version of the article you’re about to read:
https://youtu.be/mYTtiwSsJjQ
Everywhere you look, people are singing the praise of Robert Eggers. He directed The VVitch, he directed The Lighthouse, and now he’s directed The Northman. He clearly has an affinity for naming his movies the and then a noun. And he is becoming a filmmaker whose films are a must see. But I’m going to give an out-of-consensus opinion here. I loved The VVitch, I liked The Lighthouse less, and I liked The Northman even less. The VVitch is a coming-of-age story where Satan, AKA Black Philip is the protagonist’s mentor. And, can I just say that Black Philip is the GOAT? Anyhow, we got a coming-of-age tale with his first movie. His second movie, The Lighthouse, is a homoerotic fever dream. I don’t know how else to explain it. I thought it was well made, but it made me feel uncomfortable and, if you like regular movies, you’ll hate The Lighthouse. And finally, we have The Northman. A period-piece revenge epic. A 9th century AD retelling of the story of Hamlet. Or, at least the story that Hamlet was based off of. I mean, the main character’s name was Amleth. That sounds like Hamlet to me.
I won’t spoil the movie in this review, but if you know the story of Hamlet you can have a pretty good idea of what happens here. It is essentially The Lion King with more death and violence. And the violence is good. Eggers showed he could do a lot with a little in his first two movies. Now, with a high 8-figure, low 9-figure budget, he is able to incorporate more grand action and adventure into his repertoire. And he handles this well. The movie is brutal, but the brutality is never gratuitous, it is commensurate with the gravity of the story. He has also said in interviews that this is one of the most historically accurate portrayals of the Viking era ever put to film. So, that’s cool, I guess.
And, it seems as if everyone loves this film. So, why am I lukewarm on it? Well, let’s get into it.
First, I felt like the second act dragged a bit. I don’t know whether this is a function of the movie or me. I have had a harder time getting through stories this year. Especially stories like this, where everything is leading toward a final conflict. I hate to keep comparing this film to Eggers earlier efforts, but I’m going to. We saw the family in The VVitch descend into madness because of the constant pressure applied to them by an unseen antagonist. In The Lighthouse, we saw our protagonists descend into madness because of the antagonism of isolation and desolation. In The Northman, the antagonist was the protagonist. Because there was a clear roadmap for what the protagonist wanted and how he was going to get it, the air of mystery that permeated Eggers’ two previous efforts was lost. We knew what was going to happen, and what was going to happen was reinforced by the prophecies of the seers in the ancient Viking society. So, if they weren’t at a lake of fire, we knew it wasn’t the final battle scene.
Okay, I will get into the plot a little bit now. So, there may be some spoilers.
Alexander Skarsgard plays our protagonist, Amleth, whose father is killed by his uncle Fjollnir. His uncle takes his mother as bride and Amleth absconds across the sea. As he rows away, he vows, I will avenge you father, I will save you mother, I will kill you Fjollnir. It is his mantra, but the second act opens, and he has become a mere mercenary in the land of the Rus. After a battle where Amleth fights fiercely, he hears that some slaves are to be taken to Fjollnir in Iceland. He disguises himself a slave and sets off for revenge. On the ship he meets a fellow slave who will become his love interest, played by Anya Taylor Joy. And I gotta say, I wasn’t the biggest fan of her accent. I know that she was supposed to be a Slav, so she had a Slavic accent while all of the Vikings had British accents, but something about it rubbed me the wrong way.
So, they get to Iceland, and the cinematic exploration of the landscapes was really nice, especially on the big screen. Iceland looks almost other-worldly. In Iceland they are dropped off at Fjollnir’s village and the quest for revenge begins in earnest. This is the majority of the movie. There are obstacles for Amleth to overcome and a romance to consummate with Anya Taylor Joy. But we know that it all leads to a final confrontation with Fjollnir. That confrontation reminded me of Obi Wan vs. Anakin. It was different visually than the rest of the movie. It was supposed to be, but it had some serious planet Mustafar vibes.
I won’t spoil the ending, but I will say that there are some twists and turns in the plot. Amleth is not totally good and Fjollnir is not totally bad. It makes for more conflicted feelings at the final battle. It’s not like the end of Game of Thrones or anything. There is some nuance to it. So yeah. The Northman is a work of art. It is a good movie, but it wasn’t exactly what I was looking for. Listening to Eggers explain the painstaking work that went into historical authenticity reminds me of when your favorite band makes it big and records their album on 2-inch tape instead of Pro Tools and you can’t tell, but the songs aren’t as good as previous efforts. Nevertheless, I give the movie a B+. You could do a lot worse. Goodbye.