James Bond, Double-0 Seven, No Time to Die came to Amazon Prime this week. I know this because the advertisement section of the Fire TV interface takes up half the screen. Literally half of the user interface is devoted to promoting their programs. The TV’s are amazingly cheap though, so, what are you going to do?

No Time To Die is the newest James Bond film. And I will be ruining the ending right after this intro, so if you don’t want to know what happens, now is your chance to click away from today’s Movie Tuesday.

James Bond will always be a blocky collection of polygons as far as I’m concerned. I’m sure people older than me may express a fondness for Sean Connery or Roger Moore, but I will always think of Goldeneye on N64. I was a Sega kid, so I would always get destroyed in multiplayer at my cousin’s house. Maybe that’s why I never liked Bond. But, despite never being one of my favorites, I feel like I’ve seen most of the Daniel Craig Bond movies. And this is the last one because – SPOILER ALERT – he dies in the end. I vaguely remember them trying to humanize Bond in the previous Daniel Craig films. And arc that reaches fruition here. If by “humanize” you mean “make Bond act in the exact opposite way that he has always acted since appearing on screen in the 60’s”.

My main issue with Bond has always been that he was uninjurable. Daniel Craig is older than me and I hurt myself getting out of bed. I was always incredulous about his ability to sustain damage in these movies. Bond is pure male wish fulfillment, so his inability to sustain injury is by design. The movie opens with Bond remembering his relationship with some lady we may or may not have met in the last movie. I’m pretty sure I saw Spectre, but, since all Bond movies are basically the same, it washed over me. Also, looking it up, Spectre was 2015. Who remembers something they saw seven days ago, let alone seven years?

So yeah. Apparently he loves this lady named Madeleine, but he thinks she betrayed him, so he puts her on a train, never to see her again. Or so he thinks. She comes into his life again while he is on this new case. A case in which there are double crossings, there are cool vehicles, there are beautiful women, there are gadgets, and there is a super-villain who has his own island and is hell bent on killing a large part of the population. It is the boilerplate Bond plot. But, like I said before, Bond is pure male wish fulfillment.

The only difference is that Daniel Craig is old. He’s retired. His 007 number has been taken by some black lady who threatens to put a bullet in his knee. His good knee. Which, despite nominally having a bum knee according to the new 007, it never seems to affect his performance throughout the film. Probably because he is uninjurable. The other thing we know about James Bond is that he loves em and leaves em. His womanizing is indicative of a sociopathic personality. But, I think that the filmmakers may have felt that the modern world venerates sociopaths enough already, so they make James Bond care about the Madeleine lady. Partly because she has a kid that she claims is not Bond’s, but obviously is.

So, what do we know about Bond? He loves them and leaves them and he always gets out of impossible situations. Well, when he’s sprayed with a bioweapon at the end of the movie, he learns that he will never be able to have physical contact with Madeleine or his daughter ever again. This causes him to give up and just accept his death instead of escaping from the villain’s island. When the British army bombs the island, he just stays there and lets the bombs kill him because he’s so sad that he’ll never have sex with the French lady again.

So, his actions are completely  out of character. Unless, of course, you look at it from a different perspective. I said that James Bond was a sociopath, but he always had some sort of moral code. That’s why he was such a good spy in her majesty’s service. Maybe the impossible situation that he was trying to escape was being a husband and a father. Maybe it was growing old and fading into obscurity that was out of character. So, not only did he get out of an impossible situation, he also loved em and left em for one last time. So, maybe my initial reading of the situation was wrong. Bond would rather die than get old, be monogamous and live a normal life. He had run out of time. He had no time. And it was time to die. Hence, No Time to Die. Okay. Goodbye.